Man 2012 has been a crazy ass year for me, and before I even begin, I just wanna say that I am thankful for all of the blessings I have received. But I am soooo upset with my decision making. like. ugh. I’m really trying to figure out what made me want to be a director. I love everything about the art form don’t get me wrong, but the politics and fakeness involved is so fucking horrible (excuse my french) I joined All Varsity Music, the best label in the City, thinking that it would boost video business for me but it did the exact opposite.. like I guess people dont like to fuck with the top people, that’s like a whole other post. man, this is wack! like people be congratulating me and I don’t be knowing what to say back. “Aw man I love your videos” WHAT videos? I havent shot a music video since June (was it even June?) I feel wack as fuck, walking around with this expensive ass camera that I spent all my damn money on to call myself a director, but why? I’m so frustrated, I hate feeling stagnant, and Ive been feeling that way for a while now. And then I need a macbook pro.. why the fuck are Apple products so fucking expensive? I’m just this broke girl from the slums/hood/ghetto whatever the hell people call it nowadays, fighting my fate. I do not wanna die in this fucked up city. And Ive always felt like I was the black sheep of my family, because I was always the kid when I was younger saying “I’ma move far away, and be rich” and the adults would always say “awe thats cute” but when I became a teen and was saying the same shit they became annoyed, like they just wanted me to accept the cards that I was dealt, like they did not want me to get hurt or something. Maybe they were right, maybe I should have just stayed in school and got a Bachelor’s degree in accounting so I could end up living a simple middle class life somewhere. *sigh* I HATE when I’m wrong. oh and before this gets misread and niggas go falsely reporting, let it be on record that I do not regret leaving and going to AVM. I love my family and would not trade them for the world.