When I was nineteen I was homeless. I couch surfed, slept in cars and there was even a week in which I lived with my pastor. Ultimately I ended up in a homeless shelter specifically designed for youth under the age of twenty that had rules more like a halfway house than anything else. Continue reading
Sometimes I really hate being a black woman, especially when I think about the overall representation of us.
Desperate. Spiteful. Petty. Weak. Selfish.
Black Women who uplift each other are RARE. Yes we should look at the man who portray us this way with side eyes but we should also look at the women who perpetuate the perception of us. After all, they are not pulling these descriptions out of thin air.
Why is it that a black woman is more likely to help a black man get on other than a black female? (The terms of “On” can be defined later lol.) And a black man is more likely to put a white man on other than anyone black. (Again, more on that later.)
I have reached out to so many black women in my field for advice and only two have ever reached back out to me. Why? Why is it predesigned for us to be petty and caddy towards each other? is it basketball wives and love & hip hop? Was it the way we were raised? Is it fear that the person we help out will become more successful than us? I don’t think I’ll ever understand.
Females will beef with a girl over a guy that was playing the both of them, then forgive the guy and hate the female forever. Baby mama drama, ratchetry, bitches & hoes, all things that are just natural when it comes to us but I feel like no one ever examines why or even attempts to put forth the effort to implement a change to it.
Natural girls judge the girls that perm their hair, girls that perm their hair turn their nose up to the women that don’t but we’re both black and police will still shoot your son or brother dead in the street and not give a f*ck whether your hair is straightened or not.
These terms we use to separate ourselves from one another “Weird” “I’m different” “I’m mixed” Getting piercings and tattoos etc, but we are still all black women.
Smh. It’s so ingrained in us that I doubt it’ll ever change in my life time and I’m only 23. ✌️
Just a little food for thought.
Black Culture is popular, Black People are not
Saw that quote on twitter a while back and it always stuck with me. Felt like it was the PERFECT way to start this post/rant off with.
Ok, for those of you who did not watch the Grammy’s last night, Beck won Album of the year and as he went to accept his award Kanye walks up to the stage as if he’s going to reenact his VMAs stunt. Which he did not do, but after the Awards, he had this to say
“I just know that the Grammys, if they want real artists to keep coming back, they need to stop playing with us. We ain’t gonna play with them no more. And Beck needs to respect artistry and he should’ve given his award to Beyoncé.
“Because when you keep on diminishing art and not respecting the craft and smacking people in their face after they deliver monumental feats of music, you’re disrespectful to inspiration,” West continued. “And we as musicians have to inspire people who go to work every day, and they listen to that Beyoncé album and they feel like it takes them to another place.”
“Then they do this whole promotional event, they’ll run the music over somebody’s speech, the artist, because they want commercial advertising. Like, no, we not playing with them no more. By the way, I got my wife, my daughter and my clothing line, so I’m not going to do nothing to put my daughter at risk but I am here to fight for creativity. That’s the reason why I didn’t say anything tonight. But you all know what it meant when ‘Ye walks on the stage.”
Google’s your bestfriend if you want to read the full rant and although I don’t agree 100% but I fully understand where Kanye West is coming from. Especially with lines like “Diminishing the art” But understand, Beyonce won Grammys last night so it’s not like she left empty handed, and this rant is more of a “Where did Black Culture go?” Rant and not a “Beyonce should’ve won Album of the year” rant, all of that is Politics as usual although if it was based on stats, what she did last year was pretty amazing, but I digress.
1. Majority of the “Black” awards this year were given out during the preshow, damn near to the point where I was asking myself if I should even watch the Grammys knowing that all of the categories I cared about had already been announced, and yea I know the Grammys are about more than rap, there is more than one genre of music in the world, blah blah blah. politically correct, politically correct. lol. So this is strike one, in my opinion.
2. Then, having an artist’s acceptance speech get cut off by music really is tacky. You get under a minute to accept an award that you worked your whole life to win. So yes, I also feel Ye on that, and again yes, I know that Grammy speeches can’t run on and on but 45 seconds to accept such an “Honor” just isn’t enough.
3. What happened to Black Grammy moments? Remember those? Like T.I. Lil Wayne, and Jay z performing swagger like us? Performances that you watched and actually went “Oh this is dope, they going in.” And again YES we did have Common and John Legend with the Choir closing the show but was it REALLY memorable? (Not a diss, Not a diss.)
4. Have you heard Beck’s album? Was it genuinely better than Beyonce’s? I haven’t heard it, therefore I cannot form a proper opinion on it.
5. People with real opinions are the last of a dying breed. Not saying that people should start storming stages left and right, but how often do we really witness someone go in for what they believe in? Nowadays, people just go with what they are told so I applaud him for still being willing to risk it all and say what it is he feels.
6. Does the Award make the artist? Does the Artist make the award? Or do the people make the award? I’ll explain later…
Consider this post nine or ten days late.
Decided to post this to my blog just because we are less than ten days into the new year and figured that it might inspire someone randomly. Including myself. I swear I promise to blog more this year, I will make time for it I swear. Including another post tonight.
I don’t know why but this picture makes me think about so much and I don’t even know where the quote originates from, but I guess that’s neither here nor there.. My interpretation: We all have guns to our heads trying to talk each other out of pulling the trigger. I think we lie to ourselves to try and convince us that life gets better, but I have yet to become fully convinced. We just learn to cope. We’re put in these situations and the only “Band aid” people can put on it is “It’ll make you a better person.” Or “To whom much is given much is required.” And then they’ll leave you to your tears in an empty bedroom, and maybe it’s not their fault, maybe they just can’t relate. They can’t relate. I think the hardest part of “Growing Up” is realizing that 80% of the time people won’t relate to your problems nor will they care to or want to and at the end of the day I am not entitled for them to. I’ve spent the last five years of my life trying to figure it out. I don’t think I’ve been successful at figuring 1/8th of it out. I don’t even know what it is.. if it’s a feeling, or if it’s a physical thing.. I just know that it’s something. I’ve been having this empty feeling lately, I zone out in conversations, find myself in deep thought while watching tv, and I haven’t really been trying to be around people. No offense to them, all offense to me. It’s just that I get tired of trying to explain myself. I don’t wanna explain myself. And because I have finally learned that there are two types of people in the world.. people that talk.. and people that are talked about. I have come to the conclusion that as much as I hate it.. I’d much rather be talked about then handing out infamy, and maybe that’s another reason why I don’t like being around people, I’m just becoming so untrusting, like a paranoia is being built up, “What does this person say about me when I’m not around?” Should I even be hanging with people if I have to think that way about them? I could do a whole ‘nother blog post about that. I have to end this on some type of high note… I’ll edit that in when I find it. Lol. Part two soon? (Just don’t wanna get too long winded.)
Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday to meeee
They really should say “With pain comes wisdom.” But I guess the first quote is a little more appealing. Today I turn 22, and the only thing I plan to get out of this day is this post in which I am currently creating. A time capsule for me to come back and read on every birthday from here on out or when I randomly feel like reminiscing.
Safe to say I have learned a lot, not nearly as much as I will have learned in three to five years from now, but a decent amount of information for someone my age, including but not limited to the following;
The Law of Attraction is real.
Speak into existence the life you want to live and beware of the power of the tongue. Always be happy and smile even when you don’t feel like smiling, (insert every other positive quote about being positive) yea, all that.. Go watch the youtube video lol.
Keep your enemies close, but your friends the closest.
Treat a snake like what it is, a snake. Never let them get too close to the point where they can harm you. You may not be able to do away with them completely, but at least you do not have to be on edge around them. Trust your instincts when it comes to the vibes of certain people, because despite what others may say there are some people that you just aren’t meant to mesh well with. I guess that’s life. Cherish your friends, acknowledge the snakes.
I don’t wanna end this abruptly, but I also don’t wanna get too long winded. I hate saying cliche ish like “Be happy with what you have” and “be thankful that you are seeing another birthday” but I will say one cliche. Smile and live. Hell, be angry with a smile at least it’ll throw the person you’re mad at off a little. Lol. Make sure that you are always happy with who you are as a person, cause at the end of the day, the person that has to sleep with you is YOU.
oh and also never feel bad for not liking someone, you instincts haven’t led you down the wrong path yet so just continue to trust them. 😉 Love.
The only type of people that have successful directing careers are white males.
I honestly started to make that the title of this post but decided against it midway through. lol. Anyways…
Sometimes I forget how much of a headache this “dream” I signed up to pursue really is. Like this Bs is going to be an uphill battle all of the way and yea I knew that when I started but I guess I never really understood just how much of an uphill battle that it really WOULD be and how easy it is to end up right back at square one.
I am going to show the world.
I’m really at this point in my life where I honestly believe with all of my heart that no one except for myself has real faith in me, but luckily for me I was raised on two things; “Fuck The World” and “Success is the best revenge.” Now, I would be lying if I said that feeling alone sometime did not mess with me, cause it does. I can’t even describe just how wack I feel sometimes, it’s this empty feeling I get in the pit of my stomach and a migraine from overthinking things as much as I do on top of a bunch of other things.
But this is also why I applaud my arrogance.
I think I said something similar in an older post, something like “You get tore down so much that you realize if you don’t build yourself back up no one will.” If so, that just might’ve been the realest shit I ever wrote.
Thanks for not believing. That’ll be the reason I win.
I am going to show the world
I am going to show the world
I am going to show the world
I am going to show the world
OR DIE TRYING.