Just Another Suicidal Kid

Who’d a thought that my first blog post in months would be inspired by a random instagram pic? BkAAcQ-IUAAkVVS

I don’t know why but this picture makes me think about so much and I don’t even know where the quote originates from, but I guess that’s neither here nor there.. My interpretation: We all have guns to our heads trying to talk each other out of pulling the trigger. I think we lie to ourselves to try and convince us that life gets better, but I have yet to become fully convinced. We just learn to cope. We’re put in these situations and the only “Band aid” people can put on it is “It’ll make you a better person.” Or “To whom much is given much is required.” And then they’ll leave you to your tears in an empty bedroom, and maybe it’s not their fault, maybe they just can’t relate. They can’t relate. I think the hardest part of “Growing Up” is realizing that 80% of the time people won’t relate to your problems nor will they care to or want to and at the end of the day I am not entitled for them to. I’ve spent the last five years of my life trying to figure it out. I don’t think I’ve been successful at figuring 1/8th of it out. I don’t even know what it is.. if it’s a feeling, or if it’s a physical thing.. I just know that it’s something. I’ve been having this empty feeling lately, I zone out in conversations, find myself in deep thought while watching tv, and I haven’t really been trying to be around people. No offense to them, all offense to me. It’s just that I get tired of trying to explain myself. I don’t wanna explain myself. And because I have finally learned that there are two types of people in the world.. people that talk.. and people that are talked about. I have come to the conclusion that as much as I hate it.. I’d much rather be talked about then handing out infamy, and maybe that’s another reason why I don’t like being around people, I’m just becoming so untrusting, like a paranoia is being built up, “What does this person say about me when I’m not around?” Should I even be hanging with people if I have to think that way about them? I could do a whole ‘nother blog post about that. I have to end this on some type of high note… I’ll edit that in when I find it. Lol. Part two soon? (Just don’t wanna get too long winded.)

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